


'Twas the night before IX

by radioactivesaltghoul



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, F/M, No Pregnancy, Parody, Poetry, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Safe to Read if You're Triggered by Pregnancy, just a silly poem about force ghosts and holidays, lmao this aged poorly :(, not actually tros speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21750460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radioactivesaltghoul/pseuds/radioactivesaltghoul
Summary: A holiday poem featuring awkwardly shoehorned rhymes and advice from Force ghosts.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 23
Kudos: 21





	'Twas the night before IX

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Semperfidani for organizing the Star Wars Advent Event 2019. This is for Day 11.
> 
> _Am I implying that the TROS premiere is a holiday?_ Yes.
> 
> _Are some of these rhymes awkwardly shoehorned in?_ Yes, and they may not even work if you don't speak the same dialect of English as me (mostly standard US English). I am no poet, nor do I claim to be.
> 
> _Is this actual speculation about TROS?_ No, but I'm tagging it as if it were to err on the side of caution.

Twas the night before IX, when all through the ship  
Not a scanner was active, not even a blip  
Rey’s ‘saber was slung by the cockpit with care  
In hopes that the Jedi soon would be there

The Resistance were filled with worries and dreads  
While visions of allies danced in their heads  
And Ben in his cowl and Rey in her mood  
Had just settled down for a long, lonely brood

When out in the open there arose such a stare  
It became quite apparent the Force bond was still there  
Away to a closet they went with a dash  
Locked the doors behind them and started to clash

The hum of the engines on their respective spacecraft  
Made them want to do anything but laugh  
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear  
But a handful of Force ghosts, with advice to hear

First, with some grumbling, Master Luke did show  
But there was nothing he had that they wanted to know.  
As Ben got pissed and drew his lightsaber against the specter  
Rey rolled her eyes and braced herself for a lecture

Luke was dressed in tan, full lightside Jedi style  
And wearing an annoyingly knowing smile  
“Did it go how you’d thought?” he asked poor Rey  
She blushed, shook her head, and refused to say

Then a little green creature, it was still not his coda  
They knew in a moment it must be Master Yoda  
Ambiguous was the advice he gave  
Unclear, he was, even from beyond the grave

“Young Rey! Young Solo! Listen, you must  
Jedi must not give in to the temptation of lust  
Look what happened to Anakin and Padme  
Not dead, Sidious is, now heed what we say!”

And then one last ghost made his appearance  
Saying, “I don’t want to give any wrong interference!”  
Ben’s jaw had dropped, there were stars in his eyes  
As he took in his old hero (however unwise)

Yoda along with Anakin and Luke Skywalker  
Argued, all wanting to be the main talker  
“You must work together,” Luke said at last  
“The time for fighting already has passed.”

“What can we do?” was Rey’s first question  
“I honestly don’t know,” was Luke’s confession  
“You called us here!” was Ben’s fierce shout  
“Why bother appearing if you all have doubt?”

The ghosts all muttered amongst themselves  
While Rey decided to examine the shelves  
And suddenly it came, the answer, so clear!  
“I know!” she cried. “We have it all right here!

We don’t need a Force ghost holiday miracle—”  
(Or even a poem, no matter how satirical)  
“—Defeating Palpatine, that’s easy, you’ll see  
As long as I have Ben, and he has me.”

The Force ghosts didn’t seem all that convinced  
Meanwhile, Ben’s reaction? Well, he winced  
“I don’t think that’s how the Force works,  
At least, not according to these jerks”

Anakin laughed. “Maybe, but we all have a gift for you:  
A new kyber crystal, and a lightsaber, too.”  
“Earn it, you must,” Master Luke explained  
“Without proper training, nothing is gained.”

Rey was confused. “But wait, ‘tis the season for charm;  
Aren’t holidays supposed to be free from harm?”  
“But it’s Star _Wars_ ,” Ben said, like that was the key  
What happens in the end? Well, I guess we’ll see

Whatever happens in IX, here’s a message for the reader:  
The finale is approaching, fast as a speeder  
One last wish before everything fades from sight  
HAPPY WATCHING TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!

**Author's Note:**

> "Inspired" by ['Twas the Night Before Christmas](https://www.teachervision.com/twas-night-christmas-full-text).
> 
> i'm on [tumblr](https://radioactivesaltghoul.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/r_saltghoul), although i'm lying low until the 20th.


End file.
